Its galling how sometimes when the person who means the world to you comes to your face and implicitly tell you that you're just another face on the earth. I wonder how can you even bring yourself to say that? Quite a dangerous thing to say aint it?

On another note, I frankly believe that altruism isnt Man's strongest suit and it never will be.I still choose to subscribe to the Darwinian Evolutionary Theory. Call me a cynic, but the number of facts that will prove me wrong will be less than the number of ass hair I have.

I am beginning to see the world for what it is. Maybe just a glimpse of whatever that may come, all of which are not enough to instill hope in me but enough to scare the shit out of me.

Let the curtains rise.

I have been thinking alot lately, with not much outlet to express myself in a way that I'd thought liberating. So I thought of blogger. Voila, and now I am inputing alphabets on my keyboard that would eventually appear on a webpage, all the while hoping that this would allow me to get some weight off my chest. Talk about how technology has shaped our lives. Sheesh.


So here I am, getting into my university of choice, SMU. Funny thing is, I dont feel fucking happy. Sure, I am happy, just not FUCKING happy, if you know what I mean. First week of school was dreary. Those nagging doubt of insecurities about myself never ceases to disappear. Funny how at this age I am still so bothered by it. Turning an adult soon too. Tch.


Thought about and STILL is thinking about what to do with my life in the future. Sure, finance is the way to go. Its all the trend and its one that earns you a fuckload of cash. I want cash, who doesnt? But what if you suck with numbers? What if I have to work like a dog? What if I dont even like the goddamn job? Do you still major in or do finance?


No mistakes here though, I do have the drive to succeed. Its not a fucking leisurely drive in the countryside type of drive, but the kind associated with the ferocity akin to that of a lion. Yeh lion doesnt sound too cheesy I hope. Or just interchange that word with an F1 car. Wait, even cheesier? I dont know, whatever. But recently I feel this drive waning in the face of my greatest nemesis. Dwindling self-confidence. Thats right.


Can I live up to my parents' expectations of myself? Investing so much time, money and most importantly, hope in me. Selfless love for their children. I really respect and admire my parents in this aspect. Do I have that capacity to love my child the same way? Guess I will know when I look at my newborn. Presently, heck no. But who knows what the future holds?


So after this post, I realised, it's time for a change. Its one of those eureka moments you know? Granted, just an infinitely more mild version of the intended impact of that phrase. At least I know wherever you start doesnt matter, what matters is in the end. Can I look myself in the mirror and say, "I did it, my way"?


Thanks, blogger, and good night.

WOOP. Sorry just had to do that. Maybe by penning my thoughts out on my blog, I might start to feel a little more clear headed about what I want for a change.

Okay so my "passport" to enter into a local university is more or less obtained. What's that left now is which university I should opt for. SMU vs NUS?

Believe me, it's harder than it sounds. I asked myself a thousand times about what I want but I still can't seem to figure it out.

Pros VS cons do not outweigh each other significantly enough for me to make a fast and hard decision. That's pretty much the best part of my new found dilemma.

End. Lesson obtained. I pretty much haven't made up my mind. Fuck.

Nothing like an intense workout to sweat it out. Off to the gym!

Back at where I started out/ ended off. Makes no difference. Just like a treadmill, you are moving, but not actually covering any real distances.

Conditional love VS Unconditional love

What more is required? Let me do this, at my own pace. Much appreciated.


Maafkan saya.